You are viewing pregnant

The Pregnant Community
NOT announcing 
21st-Jul-2012 08:39 am [announcing the pregnancy]
The Cheat Rave
I'm barely pregnant (4w3d) with #2 and we are waiting to announce until I'm 8 or 9 weeks along. However, I have told people that we were trying. One of these people asked me last night straight out "So, any news about a baby?" And being the horrible liar that I am I just got a deer in the headlights look on my face while trying to figure out what to say. Of course she immediately knew the answer was yes and I was left sputtering "Crap crap crap don't tell ANYONE!!" So if you're waiting/have waited to announce the pregnancy to the general public, how did you deal with outright questions about pregnancy? Again, I'm a really bad liar and wear my feelings on my sleeve so simply lying about it is out for me.
Comments 
21st-Jul-2012 01:56 pm (UTC)
You could say something like, "We hope we have some news to share soon!"
21st-Jul-2012 02:08 pm (UTC)
This!

Or, something like, "don't worry, we'll tell you when something happens!"
21st-Jul-2012 03:03 pm (UTC)
Yes, this! We were trying for over a year, so many of our friends knew (many who were also trying themselves), and I had to dodge the question many times. No one should be offended for you not telling them the moment you find out you're pregnant!
21st-Jul-2012 02:05 pm (UTC)
The exact same thing happened to me and I was so peeved with myself. So no advice only commiserations ;)
21st-Jul-2012 02:12 pm (UTC)
me too!
21st-Jul-2012 02:40 pm (UTC)
I have this same problem. I always just said "we're working on it!"
21st-Jul-2012 06:27 pm (UTC)
I've used that line too!
23rd-Jul-2012 02:08 am (UTC)
That's great, thank you!
21st-Jul-2012 03:03 pm (UTC)
I won't lie to direct questions, so when people asked early, I said yes, but explained that it was very early, there was still chances of things going wrong, and we would definitely announce on our own when we were ready. People generally understood and were good about it. We didn't formally announce until 19 weeks when we knew it was a girl, but we told people informally before then as the subject came up.
21st-Jul-2012 03:17 pm (UTC)
Honestly, I just answered truthfully and thanked them for caring and keeping us in their thoughts. I've never held off announcing though, nor have I ever really wanted to. I think if you do, the first suggestion is probably the most diplomatic.
21st-Jul-2012 03:19 pm (UTC)
We never told anyone we were trying - specifically to avoid those kind of direct questions. We don't plan on telling anyone when we decide to try for a second either.
21st-Jul-2012 07:37 pm (UTC)
Yeah, now I'm regretting telling people we were trying for another baby. Next time I won't!
22nd-Jul-2012 03:59 am (UTC)
wow I totally love this green pregnant icon :-) it's gorgeous!
23rd-Jul-2012 02:09 am (UTC)
Thank you! I just searched the icons tag in this community and the first or second most recent entry under the tag had a bunch of beautiful icons. My hair is very nearly the same shade as in the icon so I fell in love :)
21st-Jul-2012 03:32 pm (UTC)
I just always say, "hopefully we'll have news pretty soon." It sort of avoids the question without outright lying. I don't think you should have to tell people before you are ready just because they are nosy enough to ask.
21st-Jul-2012 03:36 pm (UTC)
I told the people who asked that Yes I was pregnant with Siamese quintuplets. Which was my "nice" way of saying "none of your damn business" and most of them didn't ask any follow up questions. It was such a ridiculous answer that it didn't feel quite so much like lying.
21st-Jul-2012 03:51 pm (UTC)
I am sarcastic enough...I must use this! Now...how to gracefully say no @ happy hour every Friday. Ugh!!
21st-Jul-2012 03:54 pm (UTC)
ah see that's when people start wondering, I worked in a bar where we drank after work every shift so I got lots of practice saying no to co-workers, for about a month I went with "nope still pregnant with the quints" and then people stopped asking if I wanted a drink, I guess they figured that whatever the reason I wasn't drinking it was personal and I didn't want to talk about it.
21st-Jul-2012 04:38 pm (UTC)
I had a few tricks to avoid drinking when I was newly pregnant... I would try to show up at the. Ad early and order a soda water with a lime. I'm a server, and I've had quite a few women sit at the table early and tell me thy want soda water but to 'act like it was a vodka soda' so I wouldn't blow their cover in front of their friends.

Another trick is my husband and I would both order a beer, and he would drink both, basically. When nobody was looking, we would just trade glasses occasionally so it looked like mine was going down slowly.

Sometimes, when the server came around for drink orders, I would say I hadn't decided yet, then I would excuse myself to the restroom later and talk to the server on my way to order a soda water or something.
22nd-Jul-2012 03:48 am (UTC)
I did the two drink trick with a co-worker at our (very boozy) conference. The poor woman got so drunk!
22nd-Jul-2012 05:25 am (UTC)
My husband loved that benefit ;)
24th-Jul-2012 03:03 am (UTC)
My in-laws figured out I was pregnant when I didn't order a drink when we went to dinner with them. :(
24th-Jul-2012 01:16 pm (UTC)
Ordering will be hard.. BUT, I figured out how to fool neighbors (who I have every ffriday happy hour with)...
I'll make daquiri/pina coladas in my house.. and deliver. They'll never know mine does'nt have liquor in it!
21st-Jul-2012 06:43 pm (UTC)
If someone asked me directly I migtt say we were working on it.

One time a coworker was commenting on my eating habits/nausea and asked if I had anything I wanted to announce. Since he worded it that way I didn't feel bad saying no.
21st-Jul-2012 07:18 pm (UTC)
I have the same problem as you. I didn't want anyone at work to know because I miscarried my last pregnancy, and everyone at work knew about it and gossiped about it. Well, it seems like everyone asks me how things are going w/ the baby making business and I am also a terrible liar, so I just tell them I am pregnant but to keep it to themselves please until I'm further along. I am sure you know as well as I, how well that worked out... aka they all know I'm pregnant. Hopefully I don't miscarry again. Stupid jerks.
23rd-Jul-2012 02:11 am (UTC)
:-( That sucks. Hoping the best for you this time.
21st-Jul-2012 08:10 pm (UTC)
I used 'no announcements yet', which isn't a lie.....
21st-Jul-2012 11:34 pm (UTC)
I would just say "Oh gosh! We'll let you know as soon as we can when something is happening!"

We had a late first term miscarriage (and some early first term miscarriages too) so people learnt to stop asking. Especially after the 11week one where we'd told some family (because they'd ask every FUCKING time they saw us, which was rarely because we live in the country)... And it was followed up at the time with "but we're not telling anyone because we've been having some issues and I don't want to have to 'untell' people if it goes bad".
22nd-Jul-2012 02:53 am (UTC)
Mine was, "No news to share yet." It wasn't denying that we had news, just that we didn't have news to share.
22nd-Jul-2012 03:53 am (UTC)
I don't know, I'm a hopeless liar.</p>

Whatever you do, don't bother ordering a decaf coffee if you meet friends at a cafe because they WILL guess! I got the deer in the headlights look when my friend shrieked, 'omg you're pregnant!'. Really, what can you say to a reaction like that?

23rd-Jul-2012 02:10 am (UTC)
I know right? You just can't outright deny it!
22nd-Jul-2012 06:56 am (UTC)
I am a terrible liar as well. I couldn't lie and it was written all over my face when people asked me. It was just really important that I explained that it was complicated and we didn't know if it would stick so we were hoping to keep it secret a little while longer.

There won't be too many people that ask you if you have any news. If they have kept the secret that you were TTC they will most likely keep the secret of your early pregnancy. I would just be honest but explain that you are looking forward to an exciting announcement and would appreciate it if they kept your secret until then.

otherwise, if they are loud mouths, just tell them "you'll be one of the first to know" and leave it at that.



22nd-Jul-2012 07:02 am (UTC)
I was in a similar-ish situation. I was waiting to announce and someone caught me vomiting and said as an off-handed joke... "oh you must be pregnant" and then could tell from the look on my face that I am!!! I figured that I wasn't going to outright lie to people because that's not in my nature - but I wasn't going to volunteer the information until I decided to!
22nd-Jul-2012 12:54 pm (UTC)
I told people "we're working on it ". Since I have since started my second miscarriage, I'm glad we didn't say anything else (to that relative, anyway).
This page was loaded Dec 18th 2014, 8:10 pm GMT.