The drama continues.
Okay, so I've posted a million things but I'll do a quick recap --
Now 36w4d with my second child.
Took the first gestational diabetes test and failed with 138. Knew I'd never make it through the 3 hour because of nausea so I refused. I started testing my glucose at home. It was just fine. I stopped testing for a couple of weeks when my doctor didn't even mention my results on the one hour test or my refusal to take the three hour test.
I went in a few weeks ago and asked to have a VBAC. My doctor insisted I couldn't do it and even went so far as to tell me that other doctors in the practice would refuse to do a VBAC for me. I was sort of stunned at this response. She said my previous baby had been so big and this one might be, too, and it was better to just schedule a c-section.
My first child was delivered via c-section after 36 hours of labor and four hours of pushing. I was told that her head was in the wrong position. At the time of her birth, the doctor on call told me we could still get her out vaginally but I was completely delirious and couldn't bear the idea of continuing. Long story short -- it was a really difficult birth but she was a healthy baby weighing 8 lbs 13 oz. I did NOT have gestational diabetes during that pregnancy. Her father was 8 lbs 11 oz at birth.
About two weeks ago, I went in for a check up and they said I was measuring big and wanted to do an ultrasound. The ultrasound showed a little bit of excessive amniotic fluid and had her estimated at weight over 6 lbs. I had to go for another ultrasound for an in-depth scan. The baby was estimated at 7 lbs 13 oz. They had me do a non-stress test (she was fine) and talk to the GD specialist. She gave me a meter and all the guidelines and I went home and started testing.
I started testing at home and all of my numbers were perfect -- in the high 80's after every meal except dinner which was about 130. The nurse said I could start testing every other day but I ran out of strips and had a lot of trouble getting new ones (state health insurance makes things complicated). I just got them refilled yesterday. My numbers were a bit high yesterday which was really unusual. I'm sick, though, and the pamphlet she gave me specifically says that sickness messes with your blood sugar, so I wasn't really surprised.
Today I had to go see my doctor for a routine visit.
She said that the doctor at the hospital (where I had the level two scan, NST, and consult with the GD nurse) told her that I was having a huge baby. She said that I told her that I needed to have my meter checked because I didn't think it was reflecting accurate numbers -- I NEVER said that. I may have said I was taking Sudafed for allergies and thought THAT was effecting my numbers, but that was it.
My doctor said, "There's no way you can do a VBAC. She's too big. The other doctor said that unless you go early, there's no way; we're looking at an eleven pound baby here."
I said, "I still want to try."
She said, "FOUR HOURS OF PUSHING."
I said, "Yeah, but people have big babies all the time, don't they?"
She gave me a look.
Then she was saying something about my numbers and how I have had " poorly controlled gestational diabetes." I'm sorry...what? How have I had poorly controlled diabetes? My post-meal numbers have been around 89. Out of 140. I'm sorry...I don't get it...in what world is that poorly controlled diabetes? I'm lost here.
She talks really fast and sort of mumbles sometimes and my hearing is still effected by the cold I've had for almost three weeks, so I didn't really understand what she was saying -- something to the effect of its being uncontrolled being obvious because there was some extra amniotic fluid and she was so big.
Um, okay? I have had an 8 lb 13 oz baby already, so how is my having a big baby a surprise? I just...I don't get it. And with my numbers being PERFECT outside of yesterday and today (since I'm SICK), where else is this proof? I'm really confused.
So she gave me the VBAC consent form -- she's apparently resigned herself to the idea that she can't force me to do a c-section -- but I'm still upset. I know she's going to continue to try and bully me into a scheduled c-section and I'm now constantly second guessing my decision.
I want my baby to come when she's ready to come. I'm not convinced that what happened with her sister is due to my inability to deliver a baby vaginally. From memory, it was malpositioning of her head. I'm on SNRIs and can't discontinue them without risking my mental health and well-being, so breastfeeding is important to me to keep her from having a severe withdrawal, and while I know I can do it even if I have a c-section, I feel like it'll be more difficult because my body won't have received the hormonal shifts it sets off with labor and it won't be prepared to start breastfeeding. With my first baby, I was pressured to do an induction and refused; I ended up with the c-section anyway but felt good that I'd at least tried -- I knew it was just meant to be that way. I don't want to wonder with this one. And if I go in for a scheduled c-section and she comes out at 9 lbs, I'll be PISSED.
Has anyone seen any consistency with birth weight estimates when they've had several ultrasounds and estimations prior to delivery?
Ugh. Just really needed to vent. I'm worried and scared and concerned that I'm making a mistake with my decision but all I can think is -- what if she ISN'T that big? What if my memory is right and her sister was just positioned wrong? I don't want a surgery but I know that if I have a failed VBAC turned c-section, complications are increased.
I'm seriously torn and confused right now.