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20th-Dec-2012 04:04 pm - Gender [sex - of the baby]
I found out earlier this week I'm having a girl, and I'm having trouble accepting it.

We have a 2 year old son already. All my husband and I really wanted was one boy. After that we didn't really care. But when the tech moved her wand over to find out what we were having I could see it right away, before she even said anything. I didn't know how to react, so I made a dumb joke about having to have a rummage sale to get money to buy all new clothes. Secretly, my heart sank.

After doing some soul searching I feel like I wanted another boy because I had problems with my son. A failed induction, c-section, NICU stay, trouble breastfeeding, severe PPD... I feel like I wanted a do-over (I know I can't actually have a do-over). I was starting to feel better today so I decided to go shopping for a few "girl" outfits to try to get in the spirit of having a girl, and I think it made it worse. All girl clothes are frilly with lace, bows, polka dots, hearts, bunnies, kitties, etc. I settled on some more gender neutral stuff (yellow ducks, light green, and the one pink outfit that didn't have lace, frills, or bows that I could find).

But I'm still having trouble accepting that this is a girl. Girls are whiny, snotty, manipulative, mean... okay obviously that's just my experience with girls, but it's sticking with me. If a little boy comes up to my kid and acts mean I'll ask him to share, play nice, etc. If a girl does it, I'll tell her to beat it and play with someone else. I don't like other peoples kids in general, but I especially do not like girls.

I'm not into girlie things either. I don't like barbies, princesses, playing dress up, painting nails or doing hair. I don't do my own hair most days and my sons hair is shorter and I don't do anything to it most days. This girl is going to end up with a shaved head or (unintentional) dreads. It's not helping that everyone around me is having boys right now too. Nor does it help that my mom said, "I knew it haha!" when I told her what the gender was. And my MIL is probably already out shopping for frilly lace-filled outfits that I'll hate. Everyone else said they knew it was going to be a girl weeks ago too, and I was still holding out hope for a boy. A part of me is hoping the tech was wrong, even though it was painfully obvious. This is our last (planned) child too, so there's no hope for another boy either.

Anyone else feel this way? How did you deal? Did it get better after the baby was born? I can't stop crying about it. I was planning a VBAC but I really don't know how much I care anymore. I know that's horrible, but it's just how I feel.
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