Hey everyone! I made it to 13 weeks all safe and sound :)
The other night my husband and I were at his parent's place for dinner and his Mom started talking about what my hubby and his brother were like when they were little. She told us that they were easy to please and she could take them anywhere which made me feel good - maybe some of that will carry though to our baby. Then she told us that they didn't cry very often without an obvious cause and that she felt very lucky as a mother. I told her that we hoped for the same for our baby and then I told a short story about my cousin's baby shower, which took place after the baby was born, and about how the baby was very cranky all the time (possibly colic) and cried nonstop throughout her shower and anyone who held the baby passed it off very quickly because they were uncomfortable holding a 2 month old crying baby. Hubby's Mom said something along the lines of, oh the poor thing, while his Dad started talking about how the baby was 'controlling the situation' because 'babies know when they're in control'. I just looked at him with this blank look but kept telling myself over and over that he's almost 70 and he came from a very different generation. But seriously, how can someone actually believe that a 2 month old baby is purposefully crying just so that no one will hold it because it actually KNOWS how to control a situation. It even cried when the Mom held it!
If that wasn't enough to be upsetting to a pregnant woman, he started telling a story about how his first born (hubby's brother) was 6 or 7 months old and at their family cottage with the parents and grandparents. The baby had been put down for a nap but woke up and started crying. Hubby's Mom got up after a couple minutes to see what was wrong since he didn't stop and was physically pushed back into her chair by the baby's grandmother and told to stay there because the baby would stop crying eventually. The baby's Dad (my hubby's Dad) agreed with his mother and they both pressured her into sitting there listening to her baby scream and cry for 15 MINUTES. He said after 15 minutes the baby eventually stopped crying and that you shouldn't go to a baby when it cries because then it KNOWS it's controlling the situation. After telling us all this he looked rather proud of himself. I looked at my husband's Mom after this story was told to see if she agreed and she seriously looked like she was either going to explode at the memory or burst out crying - she wouldn't even look at any of us. In my completely non-professional opinion 15 minutes is a long time to let a 6 or 7 month old baby cry for without even checking on it.
Before I got pregnant I always thought that both of our families could be trusted to watch my baby if there was an emergency and we had to leave it with someone for a number of hours, days, etc. But after hearing these stories I'm not so sure I can trust my husband's Dad to care for my baby in the way that I would want - you know, care for it when it cries and not believe that a small baby has ulterior motives for expressing discomfort. I could obviously just not leave the baby with the grandparents until it's way older but I still feel disappointed that maybe my support team isn't what I thought it was. Are my hormones making me all effed up about this or is this something I should actually be a little wary of? After re-reading this I feel like maybe I'm just crazy, but I know that I don't want to have someone babysit for what ever reason and have them leave my baby to cry.