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Did any of your family members butt in? 
31st-Mar-2014 06:18 pm [dealing with family/friends/others]
Okay
My sister keeps giving me unsolicited advice and it's kind of irriating.
I showed her the sonogram pics because I thought she'd want to see them and be happy for me. First, she said: "oh, you're going to keep it?" and then started telling me that her next door neighbor who is bipolar took medication the entire pregnancy and now has a baby with heart problems.

I explained to her that I asked my doctors what they think and they said it was ok to stay on all but one drug. Then my sister said something about how she quit all her meds during pregnancy like Adderall. Well, I am pretty sure that a medication like Adderall is a lot different than something like a beta blocker or a mood stabilizer.

After that, she proceeded to tell me that babies are a lot of work (no, really?), how she got no help from her boyfriend for quite a few months, and so on.

And sure, while my boyfriend wasn't happy about the baby at first, he's being more supportive and I am sure he'll be a great dad. He has a full time, good paying job and we are on track to buy a house before the baby is born. I don't undersand what the problem is exactly, but I am guessing it's my sister projecting onto me.
Comments 
31st-Mar-2014 11:15 pm (UTC)

No advice, just wanted to say sorry :( I hope it gets better.

31st-Mar-2014 11:16 pm (UTC)
I suppose it's ok. I don't see my sister very often and I do think she's allowed to have an opinion. I just wish she wouldn't keep saying that my baby is going to have birth defects because I am on medicine.
31st-Mar-2014 11:51 pm (UTC)
Theres always going to be that one debbie downer that may or may not "think" they are giving innocent advice or wisdom. Dont let her get you down!
1st-Apr-2014 01:44 am (UTC)
I'll not to. Easier said than done, I suppose.
1st-Apr-2014 01:36 am (UTC)
Sometimes people give "advice" like that because they stuck and can't fix their own problems, but want to think they can help you avoid anything similar that you can't fix later.

Sounds like she's hasn't got a realistic view of the differences between your situation and her own.
1st-Apr-2014 01:43 am (UTC)
I don't think she does either. She's allowed to have an opinion, but she should stop telling me about the neighbor with the ill child. It's the second time she's brought that up.
1st-Apr-2014 02:36 am (UTC)
Maybe she was having a bad day or something. Otherwise, keep some distance. Sounds like she's a bit of a downer.

Also, get used to unsolicited advice. Though it often sucks, it comes with parenting.
1st-Apr-2014 03:00 am (UTC)
I don't think she was. She said something similar not too long ago over the phone as well.
1st-Apr-2014 03:08 am (UTC)
Have you asked her to keep her toxic thoughts to herself? I'm sorry your sister is such a downer. :(
1st-Apr-2014 03:26 am (UTC)
No, I haven't. I should, but I don't want to come off as rude. I should speak up, though.
1st-Apr-2014 05:03 am (UTC)
I have quite a few of these people in my life. I learned that it's best to just outright lie if you have to to keep them quiet. Like when my MIL asks about my guy sleeping through the night I just tell her he sleeps great and if my mom asks if he's started solids yet I tell her he's eating great. It sounds like as things progress for you, you might want to think about adopting this habit since my situation started out similar to yours with the whole, babies are a lot of work you know, along with horror stories about other people's kids. It sucks not being able to share what's really going on but it just makes life so much easier.
1st-Apr-2014 05:10 am (UTC)
It's not like I told her that having a baby will be a walk in the park. I know it won't be. I studied early childhood education so I know a bit more about children than my sister.

Newborns are going to cry, a lot. I will probably get next to no sleep, I will have to deal with poopy diapers and spit up/vomit as well as fevers and all sorts of things. But, babies eventually sleep through the night. They also eventually get potty trained, start to talk/communicate at a certain point and will be able to tell me what is wrong with them. I can deal with all of that because I know at some point, things will get a little easier.

I think I'll take your advice though and not divulge too much. It's not their business, after all.

1st-Apr-2014 09:31 am (UTC)
Unfortunately there are a lot of people like this in the parenting world. I've realised it's actually people projecting their own struggles and insecurities onto you so really all it screams is that they find it difficult. I've found the best way to deal with it from people who you know are really only trying to get you down is to say 'I'm sorry you found that so tough' - that usually makes people realise they're only admitting to their own struggles and they soon shut up!
1st-Apr-2014 01:50 pm (UTC)
I don't undersand what the problem is exactly, but I am guessing it's my sister projecting onto me.

That sounds exactly it. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. :( My sister is kind of the same way, in that every good thing that happens to me has to be done either as good as or better by her. It's a weird competition, and involves a lot of projecting of negative feelings. Don't let it get to you!
1st-Apr-2014 09:58 pm (UTC)
Sorry about this. I get it too. I'm having #3 and people are like, "You know, the third will do you in!" I'm like...WTF is that?! Thanks! Thank you so much for your encouraging words! From STRANGERS! And even from our own family...my husband (of 8 years, all three are his!) ranted on FB one day that he was sick to death of people saying to us, "You know how to prevent that, right?" (again, another wonderful sentiment) And I guess someone had said it at work or something and he just blew up, stating very clearly that regardless of precautions, we'd gotten pregnant and "prevention" is not foolproof. His dad went totally up in arms and got really mad and called my husband immature because" everyone has the right to their opinion on us having more children." Except us, apparently.

Long story short, there's going to be people like that out there. Don't let them get you down. And if you don't want to tell your sister to keep it to herself, then I'd avoid the subject as best as possible or change the subject when it comes up.
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