So here's the story of Lilia's Birth. If it's too long I won't be offended if you want to skip to the end to see Lilia.
So I was moved to my own room which had a crappy shower and a toilet seat that was too high up for me to sit on without a stool cause I'm only 4'11" and my feet wouldn't reach the floor. I changed into my own night gown rather than wearing a hospital gown.
People came to see me, I felt silly because I didn't really feel like I was in labor. I did eventually start having back pain and my cousin was rubbing my back for me and suddenly there was a very large gush of fluid that came out. I guess that was my water pretty straight up breaking. It was meconium stained. I could only tell I was having contractions because of my back hurting at this point. The midwife came in to check my cervix and found that it was 2cm and 75% effaced. All I could think was that's it? She told me it was a huge difference from when I was first admitted cause my cervix was barely a fingertip dilated and long and thick then.
Most of my labor is a big blur I remember not wanting them to move me to put me on the monitor, the only people it helped were the people helping me and I hated them telling me I was having a contraction before I even felt it. The anticipation made it harder. I'd tell them I didn't want to know but they would say they were telling me. This was pretty much my only issue I had with the people that helped me through my labor. My wonderful boyfriend Steve tried to fend them off and tell them i didn't like it but I didn't want anyone arguing while I was in labor and became very impatient with people that were raising their voice or arguing over stupid stuff.
The biggest thing I remember was telling Steve "I love you." Whenever I was contracting and getting to be in a lot of pain. It really helped me. Toward the end of the labor when I wasn't on the monitor people could tell when the contractions were over because I'd start to dose off sort of, but not really. I'd close my eyes and wander away in my head. I remember having my cervix checked again when it was at 5cms and the midwife telling me that the rest is usually really fast after you get to five. But I felt totally disheartened to hear that was it, I was so uncomfortable and my cervix was only half dilated. The next time I was checked it was by the nurse because my contractions were so close together and I was feeling like I had to crap. She wanted to check to see where I was. I was at 8cm my cervix was almost all gone but a tiny lip on the side.
At the end there I couldn't tell when I was contracting and when I wasn't the back pain was so intense it never went away only became more intense. During most of the labor people were pushing on it to make it feel better but in the transission stage I didn't want the pressure anymore. I kept trying to move to be comfortable. The midwive was saying she was concerned about the position of the baby's head causing me pain, and they were incouraging me to rock my hips and arch my back to get the baby to turn her head. So whenever I could manage I was rocking my hips, which was hard with the pain in my back. At the very end I got on my hands and knees to try to relieve some of the pressure from my back, as soon as I did that the poop feeling was overwhelming, but I didn't really feel like I needed to push. They checked my cervix. It was at nine almost ten, but that tiny lip was still there in the way. A few minutes later I started baring down without even trying. The midwife came told me to go ahead and push... I did, she reached in to check the baby's head and that bit of cervix was still there. She moved it and suddenly I felt the baby coming and the contraction pain was gone, I just felt like I had to get the baby out.
They coached my pushing, which I think helped because I don't think I would have been able to push without someone telling me to. I suddenly felt scared for the first time. Afraid of the thought of a baby coming out of me. It stung and I was afraid of how much more it would sting. Everyone was really great though and just kept telling me I could do it and to just push through it. I had to have them tell me when to push though because I honestly couldn't feel the contractions anymore. And even the monitor wasn't picking them up because they were so continuous. The nurse kept her hand on my abdomen to tell when it was contracting. They told me they could see her head and that I could touch it (While I was waiting for the next contraction) It felt all fleshy and weird totally not what I had expected. Her head must have turned at the end of my labor when I was on my hands and knees trying to move my hips because her head came out the way it was suppose to. And once it popped out it was facing my left side. I felt her ear on my labial lips when it popped out. Then her head was out and they told me to stop pushing so they could suction her (because of the meconium in the water) then they told me to push again and I was nervous. But once I gave her a really good push all of her just came out and the plopped her on me and Steve started crying and I was just so happy too.
They waited until her cord stopped pulsating and then had Steve cut it. I held her while they suctioned her. They got worried cause she wasn't crying though so they took her to suction her some more while the nurse and midwife were fussing over me. Apparently my cervix tore and was trying to fall out. They had to call the doctor to come and figure out what to do with it. OH my god let me tell you, that was so much more painful than all the pushing and stuff. I mean it was like a pap smear time a thousand, plus keeping in mind my vagina was all torn up too, I had a really jagged tear all around my perinium that had to be stitched up. I remember the nurse commenting that I was yelling now, versus being so quiet and meditative during my labor. The next day she came to see me before my discharge and called me super woman. Everyone told me how awesome they thought I was. I saw a different midwife the next day and she heard from the other midwife how amazing I was I guess. It all made me feel really good. I stayed another day and a half in the hospital after the birth. I was really dizzy and light headed, I guess I lost a lot of blood, and they didn't want me to go home until I didn't feel dizzy anymore. Lilia slept in the hospital bed with me and Steve slept in the room on the couch for two nights. I felt really crappy whenever I got up, it felt like my vagina was going to fall off and all the extra skin on my stomache felt like it was melting off of me. My lungs had so much more space to breath that I felt like I couldn't breath. It was all really overwhelming, I didn't expect to be so sore afterward. I guess that was silly.
Nursing was great in the hospital. Since we've been home she's been stubborn though and only wants to nurse on one side. I think my milk has come in now and my breasts have become huge, sore, hard and engorged. It doesn't help my baby is being stubborn and only wants to eat on one side. So that one side is all raw from her not latching right because my breasts are filling. Now that she's latching on it right, it's too sore to make a difference. I feel like I'm carrying bowling balls on my chest.
I did the whole thing without any drugs, totally natural and I feel so accomplished about it. Originally I just wanted Steve (my boyfriend) to be there with me... I thought I wouldn't want anyone there, but I ended up begging my aunt, grandmother and mother not to leave once my labor got painful because they were so supportive I didn't want anyone to leave. In fact, in the end my 12 year old sister end up helping hold my feet while I was pushing (after my mom called her at around midnight after I told them it was okay if she was there.) After the head came out though I guess there was a bunch of blood and she got squeamish and had to sit down, or rather the midwife straight up told her "Go sit down." Because I guess she turned white. Incidentally my sister says she's going to adopt before she has a baby of her own. Ironically at the begging of my pregnancy my mother was freaking out because she was saying 'I want to be pregnant and have a cute belly too."
So yeah I had my baby 3:06am on the 24th. Lilia Ann Lynn weighed 8.86lbs and was 21inches long. (Everyone is telling me she's huge considering I'm 4'11" and was only about 100lbs before I got pregnant) I had planned for a natural birth without drugs and I'm so proud of myself for sticking to that plan.
There's a folder of pictures on Photobucket and on my MySpace
My breasts and leaking and my baby is crying so I'm gone for now.
Xposted to my own journal and probably june2008babies .